Monday, October 10, 2005

In Praise of Junk Food

The downside of junk foods of all kinds has been widely publicized. Too many calories, too much fat, trans fats, cholesterol, acids, and then there's that matter of disappearing union activists in Columbia.

But the great virtue of junk food is rarely mentioned.


The great joy of junk food is that you know precisely what you're going to get. Delicious, yes, but dependably delicious. Every time. Every Big Mac, every bag of M&Ms, every can of Coke. Each one as tasty as the last.

How many other things in life are so reliable? Friends, teachers, store clerks, banks -- all can be wonderful, but all apt to let you down when you need them. The VCR fails to tape, the CD is scratched, the waiter is a moron, the authorities are small-minded, even the sun often hides behind the clouds. Unless you really need it to rain.

Yes, junk food will clog your arteries and mess up your blood sugar and make you fat. But it never promised not to. It only promised quick gustatory satisfaction. And that it does.

Every time.

1 comment:

Patrick Marsh said...


Every time I open up a bag of them BBQ Ruffles, every Whopper no onions/tomatoes, every slice of pizza, every friggin can of Big 8 lemonade, all are satisying to the last.

God bless the freshman 15.