Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Change I am a-Timin'

OK, so I'm walking down the street and I see a dime on the ground (it was dark, so yay for my cat-like eyes). I pick it up. Why not?

But then I think, is it really worth the time and effort to bend over and pick up loose change?

So I did the math.

I estimate it takes roughly two seconds to pick up a coin from the ground. Which means that you could, in theory, pick up thirty coins a minute, or 1800 in an hour.

In other words, picking up dimes is like working for $180 per hour. Picking up change on the street turns out to be the highest-paying job I've ever had.

And that's just for dimes. Picking up quarters pays a whopping $450 an hour.

Even pennies pay a decent hourly wage of $18 -- much better than minimum wage.

A couple of months ago I found a twenty dollar bill. During the two seconds it took me to pick that up, I was earning a tidy $36 000 an hour.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Some Movies I Love

1. Inherit the Wind. My all-time favourite. Spencer Tracy is the best there ever was and I will fight with my fists if anyone says otherwise.

2. Rocky. If you haven't seen it, and you think you know how it ends, get it and watch it.

3. Twister. My nominee for best action movie ever made and possibly the only blockbuster Hollywood action flick with no guns. Also a landmark in motion picture special effects.

4. Deep Impact. This movie is often confused with the absurd knock-off Armageddon to which it is superior in every way. Includes my all time favourite line in a movie: "Well, at least we'll all have high schools named after us." And admit it, we all want Morgan Freeman to be President.

5. Broadcast News. Sometimes mentioned as the best movie never to win an Oscar.

6. Shakespeare in Love. I like this movie more every time I see it. The key is that it is the life of Shakespeare as Shakespeare himself might have written it, with no regard for historical detail if it gets in the way of the story.

7. Twelve Angry Men. Now this, my children, is acting.

8. The American President. A bit sentimental but Aaron Sorkin is the man. I also like Dave, which is similar in many ways but less sophisticated.

9. Mr. Holland's Opus. Also sentimental but required watching for anyone who wants to be a teacher.

10. Dead Poets Society. Suffers from the common problem that the English teacher never actually teaches English, but beautifully shot and a stunning last half hour. Also early performances from some of today's best actors including a young Robert Sean Leonard and a very young Ethan Hawke.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

My stomach is getting fired.

According to diet experts, my stomach is full for twenty minutes before it tells my brain that it's full.

What the f*&# is up with that?

The stomach is clearly the lamest of the organs. It sits there all day, whining about food, and then when it finally gets some, it says, "Oh my, that was lovely. I think I'll do nothing for 20 freakin' minutes while this moron keeps eating."

I mean, come on. My stomach is, like, two feet from my brain and it has its own built-in network. If I put my hand on a hot element, does my brain say, "Oh, my, poor Mr. Hand is burning. I better tell Hand to move in half an hour"? No. When my brain has something to say, it says it. Instantly. And the heart, why it never stops at all. No thanks to Mr. Stomach, I might add.

Why does it take my stomach 20 minutes to speak up? Does my stomach have a whole lot of other organs it has to call first? Is my brain so touchy that my stomach has to pause to consider the right words?

No, my stomach is a lazy, greedy, selfish bastard. That's the truth. And it's going to pay, believe me.